Yesterday, I had an email exchange with a sad, angry person (SAP). It completely blind-sided me, mostly because it was so unexpected. The biggest issues facing rescue and humane organizations are not anything related to animals, but rather related to people.
For reasons I don't understand, "turf wars" and egos get in the way of forward progress to help homeless animals. Email just seems to exacerbate this problem. Spotting bitter, nasty SAPs before problems escalate is challenging via email. Here are a few tips to help you recognize a SAP and keep her from ruining your day.
1. Watch out for sarcasm. The nasty emails I received yesterday contained the words "nice" and "funny" multiple times. However, I only belatedly realized that these words were stated in a completely sarcastic snarky way. At first I thought I was receiving a compliment and responded pleasantly. Only then did the SAP unleash her venom.
2. Keep emotion out of your response. Email flame wars generally arise because the SAP is using emotional writing to "push your buttons." When you talk to someone in person, you can detect manipulation by listening to someone's tone of voice. Detecting emotion via email is more difficult, so attempt to remain as detached and professional as possible and stick to the facts. Hurtful words and name-calling just escalate the situation.
3. Don't let the "shoulds" bring you down. The SAP made comments suggesting that I "should" be doing certain things. Of course, this person doesn't know me or my situation. It's easy to forget all that in the heat of the moment because everyone wants to do more to help animals. But you can only do the things your time and resources permit you to do.
4. Realize it's not really about you. Only after the email discussion with the SAP was terminated did I fully realize how bitter and unhappy she must be. Nothing could change her opinion of what's "true" because it was all tied up in her ego and petty grievances about past events. Unfortunately, many SAPs hide behind the security of an anonymous keyboard. You can't do anything about that, but you can take steps to block further communication if necessary.
5. Vent to someone you trust. After this awful email exchange, I went upstairs and talked to my husband about it. Don't bottle up angry emotions. Let them out and let them go.
I wish I could say that I responded perfectly. I didn't. SAP is a apt acronym because these people sap your energy and enthusiasm. The bottom line is that you can't reason with unreasonable people. But tomorrow is another day and you just have to try and do the best you can do.
Mark Your Calendar!
If you've been dealing with SAPs lately, you'll want to mark your calendar for next week's teleseminar: "How to Fight Burnout in Yourself and Your Volunteers" with Sheila Boneham, PhD who is the author of Rescue Matters! How to Find, Foster, and Rehome Companion Animals: A Guide for Volunteers and Coordinators. It will be on Tuesday December 8 at 1 pm Pacific. As usual, we'll send out the call-in information the day before the call.
As always thanks for all you do to help the animals!
~ Susan Daffron
Founder & President, NAPRP